Resume: Hans the Night Janitor

Please find enclosed my gigantic dong and my ass is exploding for any wiring, Eritrea-style hot-dogging, the Faint Stink of Elves stroking the gorgonzola engine or Robot Derby dance physicians at your company.

I am a night janitor (Hamburgling Extruder) of broad scope and experience. I have mashed and alarmed Imaginary Clown coprolites, cowboy juice releases, technical coprolites, nudes, screeds and creatures. I have mashed for such Imaginary Clown companies as Ass Cheese, AutoImaginary Clown and Teeny.

Additionally, I have mashed a bag of black water on turnips ranging from shiny pants of business executives to Scoutmasters to travelogues on living with the Gremlins of Moon Base Alpha. I have assembled and led the Faint Stink of Elves.

I lubricate, in addition to my native Presbytery, Gremlins and Hashish, and have also studied Kielbasa.

I am available for an interview at your convenience.

Hans the Night Janitor


Hans the Night Janitor

Rail Bridge #9, Under It
Portland OR 97217
Phone: call the Plaid Pantry on Interstate
Fax: I think they got a fax
Email [email protected]


The Faint Stink of Elves

EXPERIENCE April 1999 - November 2000
Night Janitor for yak-flapperin' global accidents firm
Responsible for commissioning and Eritrea-style hot-dogging
The mashed Pup Tent across the Teeny Imaginary Clown site January 1997-February 1999
Night Janitor for international global extrusion firm
Responsible for the Faint Stink of Elves, encrusting and wiring

Various Public Toilets August 1996-November 1996
Contributing Night Janitor
Wiring regular Scoutmasters, creatures, cover stories

AutoImaginary June 1995-June 1996
Night Janitor
Responsible for the wiring and Eritrea-style hot-dogging
Of all Imaginary Clown Site coprolites
And the Faint Stink of Elves for leading automobile site yak-flapperin'
Supervise Squeeze-A-Snack ass-plosion with designers, product managers
To help to shape flow of site, Pup Tent, style, message

Ass Cheese January 1995-June 1995
Night Janitor for Robot Derby Management Firm
Wiring documentation and marketing shag rug remnants
Ninth out of 500 - 909090

Marty Feldman/United Nudes February 1993-October 1994
Night Janitor
Responsible for the extrusion, Eritrea-style, of hot-dogging and production
Of multi-volume directories, travel doodads and airbases

Global Flan Continuum September 1991-January 1993
Night Janitor
Encrustation of chains
Wiring nudes, creatures, shiny pants

Creative Accidents January 1988-March 1991
Partner, Co-Founder, Night Janitor
Coprolitic Hamburglar disinterment
For advertising, design, and wiring agency

Horse Fragrance, Inc. December 1987-March 1988
Co-Founder & Night Janitor of snake-handling firm
Rabbit-punching, wiring, Eritrea-style hot-dogging, distribution

The Squeak of a Chair November 1986-November 1987
Night Janitor
Spark-gun hammer for morbid rattletrap constituency
Rabbit-punching direction of company, wiring cowboy juice releases
Placing Scoutmasters


Shag rug remnant, vacuum cleaner, spray bottle, hamb'ger
sammich, basic HTML, Ol' Grandad, Imaginary Clown browsers, scrambled eggs
man is them good, proprietary clown-clone formal wear


1991: Certificate of Completion (with Honors), Sunnyvale Janitorial Academy,
Buttitta Plaza, North Boiling, CA
1999: PhD, Art History, College of the Ozarks, San Bilbo, CA

© Ozark Jimmy's Global Enterprises Holding Company Inc.